2006 BARRISTER AWARDS

Here are my picks for the most notable things in the entertainment world from the past year.

BEST SONG OF 2005

Well, I don’t know if it was the BEST song, but that “Body Like A Ford” TV commercial song was probably the catchiest tune of the year. They played it 100 times during every football game, and now I can’t get it out of my head.

“Wanna take a ride while I climb aboard… you got a body like a Ford!”

BEST MUSIC VIDEO OF 2005:

I gotta go with “Hollaback Girl” by Gwen Stefani. It was catchy, it was colorful…it was also the only music video I saw last year.

You know, MTV just doesn’t show the videos much any more!

FUNNIEST LYRIC:

“Mary-Kate and Ashley used to be so wholesome
Now they gettin’ older they startin’ to grow bum-bums.”

-         Eminem, “Ass Like That”

WORST LYRICS

“Girl you had me once you kissed me

My love for you is not iffy

I always want you wit me

I'll play Bobby and you play Whitney.”

-         From “Don’t Phunk with my Heart” by The Black-Eyed Peas.

Those are some great role models for any relationship – Bobby Brown & Whitney Houston: “I’ll play the has-been wife-beater and you play the whacked-out cokehead.”

BEST PROOF THAT EUROPEANS ARE INSANE:

One of the biggest hits in Europe this year was a song called “Crazy Frog.” This tune took the voice of a cartoon frog from a cell phone ring-tone and combined it with the “Axel F’ theme from BEVERLY HILLS COP. “Crazy Frog” held the #1 spot for five weeks on the Eurochart. Estimated European sales are over one million to date.

MOST OVER-EXPOSED STAR:

DAKOTA FANNING.

I don’t know about you, but I’m getting real sick of that kid. She gets WAY too much work. She’s only 11 and it feels like she’s been around for 20 years.

WORST ACTING:

TOM CRUISE pretending to be a heterosexual while jumping on the couch on the OPRAH WINFREY SHOW.

ACTOR MOST IN NEED OF A CAREER ADJUSTMENT

MORGAN FREEMAN. He’s played the same wise old character, dispensing sage advice to white people, in seemingly every movie he’s ever made. Just once, wouldn’t it be great to see the guy play a moron or a total bastard?

WORST CASTING:

BURT REYNOLDS as Boss Hogg in THE DUKES OF HAZZARD. That’s just wrong on so many levels. The role should’ve been played by a jolly fat guy, not a leather-skinned guy with no comedic ability whatsoever.

WHAT’S UP WITH THAT?

When Will Smith made the movie MEN IN BLACK, he sang a theme song called “Men in Black.” When he did WILD, WILD WEST, he did a theme song called “Wild Wild West.” But last year, when he made a movie called HITCH, he wrote a theme song called “Switch.” I don’t get it. Why wasn’t the song called “Hitch?” Surely I’m not the only one who loses sleep over this.

MOST PLAYED OUT LYRICS:

In her smash hit, “It’s Like That,” Mariah Carey songs:

“I came to have a party

Open up the Bacardi”

There should be a moratorium on people rhyming “party” and “Bacardi.” That’s become an even bigger cliché than “Put your hands in the air, wave ‘em around like you just don’t care.”

BEST NEW PHRASE

The song “My Humps” by the Black-Eyed Peas introduced the phrase “my lovely lady lumps” into the English language.

MOST IMPRESSIVE COMEBACK

Mariah Carey. Whether you like her music or not, there aren’t too many singers who can release a colossal flop movie and soundtrack, then go crazy and then come back a few years later with the #1 album of the year.

WORST HOST

Diddy hosting the MTV VMA’s. He promised anything could happen. Then he gave away a watch to a guy in the audience. Big deal! What does that do for me? You have to seriously question any “entertainer” whose idea of “anything can happen” is him giving away jewelry. You know a show is in trouble when the best performance of the night comes from M.C. hammer doing a reprise of “Can’t Touch This.”

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