Shy Guy's Guide To Dating Frequently Asked Questions

Q) How can I order the book?

A) You can go to our how to order link button on the left hand side of this page, or you can go to Amazon.com, Barnes&Noble.com, or any retailer who sells books online. You can find my book in any bookstore, usually in the "Self-Help/Relationships" section. Any bookstore that doesn’t have a copy will be happy to order one for you.

Q) Is that your picture on the cover of the book?

A) This is the most asked-question I get. And the answer is a resounding NO!!! It is definitely NOT ME on the cover of my book! My picture appears on the BACK cover! (But to add insult to injury, my own mother thought it was ME on the front cover! Sheesh!)

Q) So if that’s not you on the cover, who is it?

A) I don’t know! Some model. A nerdy friend of the photographer’s. I’ve never met the guy! And I hope I never do!

    Actually, that cover has gotten the book a lot of attention, so I guess it succeeds on that level. It is a very memorable image ­ so memorable, in fact, that other sources, including the Christian Science Monitor, have borrowed it for use in their own publications!

    So obviously the photographer did a great job. I would’ve preferred having just text on the cover, no photo, but then, what do I know. I’m just the writer. Still, I can’t help thinking that cover photo scared off some prospective buyers. No Shy Guy wants to look at the nerd on that cover and think, "Hey, that guy’s just like me!"

Q) Is your book funny or serious?

A) It’s both. THE SHY GUY’S GUIDE TO DATING contains a lot of useful info about dating, but it is presented in a humorous fashion. I tried to make the book as entertaining as possible.

Q) Do you really think guy’s need to take a quiz to find out if they’re shy or not?

A) No, of course not. You know if you’re shy or not. But the publisher asked me to do a quiz, because they said that’s the kind of thing people expect to see in a book like this, and I agreed. But I did try to make the quiz as funny as possible.

Q) Be honest ­ you wrote this book just to help you get laid, right?

A) No, that’s a stupid question. I wrote the book to help other guy’s get over their shyness, just as I had years before. If I was trying to get myself laid, believe me, there are lots of easier ways to do it than to spend two years of your life writing a book!

Q) All that stuff about your dating history in the first chapter ­ is it true?

A) Sadly, yes. I guess it sounds like the kind of thing a guy would make up to sell books, but it really did happen that way!

Q) The part about you being shy when you were younger ­ it’s a bunch of crap, right?

A) No, it’s not. I was painfully shy when I was younger. I got over it.

Q) How did you get over it?

A) You’ll have to read the book for the long answer. The short answer is, I watched a lot of TV and took inspiration from what I saw. I figured if people on TV could get girls, maybe I could, too.

Q) Do you have a girlfriend?

A ) Not at the moment.

Q) How can you write a book giving advice about dating when you don’t even have a girlfriend?

A) I like to think I’m part of that proud tradition of writers who know nothing about relationships writing books about relationships! In this group I include such luminaries as John "Men Are From Mars" Gray, and Dr. Laura Schlessinger. John Gray has been divorced three times, yet he claims to be an expert on keeping couples together! And people actually listen to this guy! And Dr. Laura’s first marriage ended in divorce, even though she strongly advises her listeners to never get divorced. (Do as I say, don’t do as I do!)

    But the point I want to stress is that the book is really more about getting over shyness than it is about having a girlfriend. For most Shy Guys, the hardest part is actually getting out and meeting someone. They can pretty much figure out on their own what to do next.

    My main goal with the book was to take guys who are nervous and uncomfortable about approaching women and to make the process as painless as possible.

Q) It seems like your book is really two books in one. One book is about meeting girls, the other is about getting laid.

A) Well, that’s a very insightful question. It is part of the quandary I faced as a writer. My publisher asked me to do a chapter on sex. I hadn’t planned on doing one (nobody believes me when I say that, but it’s true), but I did it just to satisfy the publisher. As my editor at the time put it, "It’s probably the first chapter most guys will read. In some cases, it’s the only chapter they’ll read."

     I couldn’t argue with that logic, so I went ahead and wrote a chapter on sex. The problem with doing a chapter on sex is that it kind of changes the tone of the whole book from "How can I get over my shyness?" to "How can I bang some broads?"

    The minute you write a chapter on sex, the book takes on sort of a sleazier tone which makes it sound like you are bragging and just trying to get people laid. But that’s not at all why I wrote the book.

     I had one critic who accused me of writing the book just so I could brag about getting all the women I’ve had, which if you actually read the book, is not what it’s about at all. In fact, if anything, it’s about a guy who never got any girls through high school, or college, then finally learned the things he needed to learn to be comfortable with meeting women.

     If all I wanted to do was to brag about my sex life, I certainly wouldn’t have started out by saying I didn’t get any nookie until after college!

    I guess my challenge to any writer would be this - try to write a chapter of a book advising others on ways too put the moves on a girl, without sounding like you are advising people to engage in one-night stands!

    It’s not an easy thing to do! My defense for writing the chapter is that it is only one small part of a much larger book, and I actually have had Shy Guys over the years ask me how to go about "getting busy" on a woman. So obviously this is information that guys find useful, which they are maybe not getting from any other source.

    I don’t claim to be an expert driver, but since I have driven a car before, I do feel qualified to give some basic lessons!

Q) Your book contains a chapter on marriage. But you’ve never been married. What’s up with that?

A) My editor made me write that chapter. I was opposed to it, so I tried to make it the worst chapter in the book. I figured if I made it bad enough, the editor would cut it out. But they called my bluff and published it anyway.

     Ideally, I would like to someday write books about Long-Term Relationships, and Marriage. But I would like to write these books years from now, after I have more experience in these areas. Plus, those two books don’t really relate to the Shy Guy experience. My observations have shown that once a guy gets into a serious long-term relationship, his shyness fades, big time.

     So my advice to anyone who reads my book is to skip the chapter on marriage. It’s a topic I know nothing about. Shyness, I know all about.

     My editor had this idea that the book would take the reader through the various stages of dating, from the initial meeting to marriage. My concept was that Shy Guys have such a hard time just meeting someone, let’s take it one step at a time and save the wedding for a future book.

Q) Do you do everything your editor tells you to do?

A) No. My editor asked me to write a chapter on what types of women you meet in different types of places. For instance, he gave examples in a biker bar, you meet biker chicks. In a library, you meet studious chicks. Etc.

    I thought this was the most pointless idea I ever heard. I didn’t see the point in writing something so obvious, so I never wrote it, and fortunately, my editor forgot about it.

Q) There are plenty of "How To Pick Up Chicks" guides out there. What makes your book so different from other books on dating?

A)  I like to think the emphasis on shyness is what makes my book so different. I was once the shyest guy in the world, and I got over it. I tried to write my book in such a way that any guy who had ever been shy could read it and say, "That’s my life! That’s me he’s talking about!"

     Based on some of the comments I’ve heard, it seems I succeeded.

Q) You’re a good-looking guy. How can you be shy?

A) Good-looking people can be shy, too. Hard to believe, but true!

Q) But doesn’t the fact that you’re good-looking make it easier for you to approach women?

A) Maybe initially, to some extent. The fact that I know women in general are not going to be repulsed by me does ease the meeting process a bit. But looks will only take you so far. After that initial introduction, it’s your personality that carries the day.

     I’ve had plenty of women reject me on the basis of personality. And even if you are good-looking, there is always the possibility that women will find you not to be their type. For instance, I’m only 5’10", and a lot of women like their men taller. I’m a clean-cut guy, and some women like dangerous, long-haired heavy biker dudes. So even if you are good-looking, you still can be discriminated against!

     And if you do meet a women who judges men by their appearance, well, you really don’t want to go out with someone that shallow anyway, do you?

Q) But I’m uncomfortable with my appearance. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to approach a girl face-to-face. Will your book help me?

A)  It just might. The book discusses many alternative methods of meeting girls, including personal ads and the internet. I take into account the fact that some guys will never feel comfortable with the face-to-face meeting, and I suggest other ways that many of my Shy Guy buddies have had success with.

Q) What’s up with the use of the word "chicks" in the book?"

A)  The hard part about writing a book on how to pick up girls is to avoid using the word "girls" too many times. In my original first draft, I used the word "girls" like 5000 times. So I went back and substituted other words, like babes, ladies, gals, chicks, etc. I really did it just for the sake of variety. You know how us writers hate to repeat ourselves. We just really hate to repeat ourselves. We just can’t stand repetition. One of our primary goals is to avoid repetition. We just can’t stand repeating ourselves.

Q)  Any plans for a sequel?

A)  Probably not. They usually don’t do sequels to books that don’t sell very well. Sadly, The Shy Guy’s Guide To Dating was not a huge seller, which is one of the reasons I created this web site, so I could promote it more to people who might be embarrassed to buy such a book in a book store. Women do not have a problem looking to self-help books for advice. Guys usually do not get their advice this way, as I found when I toured book stores.

      The people who needed my book the most were too shy to buy it! Whenever I would give a presentation, there were always guys hiding in the aisles, pretending not to listen. One guy reading a copy of my book actually hid it inside another book ­ THE RISE AND FALL OF THE NAZI EMPIRE. In other words, Nazis are not embarrassing. Being shy, that’s embarrassing!

      Plus, I kind of feel I said everything I had to say about shyness in the first book.

      I would like to write another book about dating, only covering the whole dating perspective, in a book for both men and women. That way, I can double the size of my audience. They say you should always write what you know. I may not know much about relationships, but dating is a subject I know very well.

Q) Do you think women will find your book useful?

A) Not really. The book is geared more toward guys. In our society, the man is expected to be the aggressor, so really there is a lot more pressure for guys than there is for girls.

     It’s so much easier for women. If they like a guy, all they have to do is let him know, and as long as the guy is not married or gay, he will usually go for it. (And in some cases, even if he is married AND gay, he’ll still go for it!)

     Having that said that, I will note that many women have read my book and enjoyed it. It gives them a look at how guy’s think. The book offers a lot of universal insight into the whole dating experience, for both men and women. Plus, it is funny. It includes some material that was originally intended for my stand-up comedy act or MAD Magazine, but I chose to put into the book instead.

     Many women have suggested I write a book called THE SHY GIRL’S GUIDE TO DATING. My feeling is, that book should be written by a woman. I’m afraid I wouldn’t do a very good job on a book like that. It really needs a woman’s perspective.

Q) So if I buy your book, do you guarantee that I will meet a girl?

A) I’m not making any promises! I can’t guarantee you will be less shy after reading the book. But you will learn a lot more ways to approach a girl ­ ways you might never have thought of before. These are methods that have been proven since the dawn of time to be successful for Shy Guys. I’m not re-inventing the wheel here. When I write a book, I’m not saying anything that hasn’t been said before. I’m just applying my keen observational eye to a topic that men have puzzled over since Adam first thought about hitting on Eve back in the Garden of Eden.

     My book is filled with advice. What you do with that advice is strictly up to you. Why not give the book a try. You just might find it’ll work for you!

BOOK'S INTRODUCTION

THE SHY GUY QUIZ

ASK THE SHY GUY:  CURRENT | ARCHIVED

WHAT A GIRL MEANS

TOP TEN BEST PICK UP LINES

TOP TEN WORST PICK UP LINES

ORDER - THE SHY GUY'S GUIDE TO DATING